Current song:Yellowcard,Everywhere.

Yay...no,not yay..Its been another year and I havent done anything successful. Pretty useless. So useless... Why won't I just have one mood,for the rest of the year?I won't scare anyone...I hope. It'll be like a mask.
I want to be left alone sometimes...so I can cry...
Ha,I'm a moody person...I wonder how people can handle my mood swings...
I'm sorry,for everything, you know? Ha...guess you don't. I wish I were dead right now...Strange to hear this from me? I know Kel isn't. I was suicidal last year...I was planning my death date...Last April 1... or...yeah,I think It was that day. Haha,my sister nagged at me,calling me weak. I wanted to prove her wrong...
Kel gave me help...that stupid school councillor. Her name is Rose. I told her basicly every stupid little thing that I hated in my life that moment...she promised you know? Rose,the school councillor,promised that she wouldn't tell anyone. Not a soul unless it was very serious. I told her I hated everything,that It would be better if I wasn't there.No one cares...and I still think they don't they just put a mask over their cruel smirks and mutter curses about me behind my back,saying anything to hurt me at all.
She wanted me to get my parents to sign papers...so she told me to get one of them to sign it so I can skip class.Later on when I gave the papers to my mom,I found out that the stupid lady was going to talk to my parents in collage. I didnt want that to happen,but instead she phoned...saying this situation was serious.
So my parents found out...I think, and I hated Kel and everyone more.
I forgave Kel but I still hate what happened,I know it wasn't her fault.
I think I have become suicidal once again...
I'm confused...and thats how it began last time.
Ha...I'm writing in this...to tell you that I hate you...no not you,but myself.
I'm weak you know? I can't even defend for myself. I'm just someone there... Just another someone... Haha,probably hang myself.Or drown myself.
I'm sad...
A asian that is sad. Funny... I suppose...maybe not...
I don't want to die though... because I want to live until its to the fullest. I have to support my parents. Even though I hate them for bringing me here,I still have to watch over them.
When I'm dead...haha,no flash backs I bet.
I wish I didn't like you...I'm talking to whoever reads this. And I feel guilty to Courtney...
I like a lot of people,Kel,Nikki...Jon...
To tell you the truth,I feel like a outcast. People don't like me,I wonder why I'm even there most of the times...
Why... Why do you like me? Me of all people?! Why do I like you...?
Why didn't I just end it on April the 1st? So I wouldn't have a chance to meet you Jon.
Courtney... I'm sure she's pretty. I think I annoy you. I have terrible mood swings. I have so many terrible qualities,so won't you hate me?
I'm sure I can't fulfill your needs or wants. For all you know,I'm not the person I am online. I'm nothing like that. I can talk the way I do,thats because I try to talk nicely. I'm a inconsiderate person,in person.
Well might as well go...
I'm sorry if you had to read this. Just one of my mood swings again...XP

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Toxic_Bubbles
(my friend,nikki's blog)
Songs that I listened to in curent time when writing this:
By: Yellowcard -
Twenty-three
Back home
Belive
Breathing
Everywhere
Ocean Av
October Nights
One year,Six months
only one
time will tell
Way away